I always found some connection to this song. It always sort-of called out to me. And I sung along. But never had I felt it. Never had I truly understood it.
It wasn’t until this year that I was forced to think about my future. Start planning for my career. What college would I go to? Yet somehow, its December of my senior year and I’ve yet to apply for even one college. Still clueless as to where I wanted to go, or what I wanted to be.
The one thing I did know, I was a little girl with sky-sized dreams and I would be absolutely crazy to even consider pursuing them. So I let them cloud over. Chalked them up to unrealistic expectations for myself.
Every time I thought about my future, the only thing that truly made sense, the only thing that ever fit me, were those dreams.
I pursued other options, maybe a teacher? I did love kids. Ok, a teacher it might be. But the thought of doing that for the rest of my life, left me panicked. All the sudden I didn’t want to leave high school, because that meant choosing a career. And doing it for the rest of my life.
“This wasn’t how it should be. I shouldn’t be scared of my future. Shouldn’t I be excited to do this for the rest of my life?” I wondered.
I thought about the one thing that I wouldn’t ever feel stuck doing the rest of my life. And pushed it back aside. I didn’t have the money or connections.
I was utterly and hopelessly crazy. I knew it. It wasn’t sensible, to leave everything I know behind and slave away eating ramen noodles for life because that was all I could afford. I was much to smart to do something that stupid.
But we are called to walk by faith and not by sight.
And when it came down to it. I had a dream. A dream that I would be somebody. Not famous, I never wanted fame. To be somebody in the sense that I would make something of myself. That I wouldn’t sit around and waste my life away in a mediocre job that I only took because it was a “safe choice”. A dream that I would chase down my dreams, no matter how scary it was.
Then that night came. I was driving home in the rain with my iPod on shuffle plugged into the speakers. Kelly Clarkson came on, belting her heart out. And mine starting pounding. It was then that I understood that dreams involve risks and sacrifices. You can either take them. Or live your life regretting that you didn’t.
Today, I chose to take them.
Because I don’t want to live my life in Kentucky sitting behind a teachers desk. Thats just not what I’m called to do.
I have been given a gift, a passion. And it would be a dishonor to God, the one who gave it to me, for me to put it in a box and not use it.
I don’t fit into this cookie cutter idea of how life should go. I don’t want to go to 4 years of college to learn some degree I don’t even love.
The fact of the matter is, if I had gotten the huge scholarships for my photography that I almost did, I’d already have applied for UK or NKU and planned to go there. I never understood why God wouldn’t allow me to receive that opportunity. Its because he knows me. He knows that Rachel only takes risks when she’s pushes. If there's a safe option, she takes it because its just so much easier. As I said, its safe. So he pushed me to the point were no option was a safe option.
So my names Rachel. I’m not a risk-taker by any means. But I’m choosing to take risks so my dreams become a reality.
Heres to me, the girl who knows what she loves and wants to do, but doesn’t know how to get there.
I must be crazy. But I’d rather be crazy and living paycheck to paycheck than normal and safe.
